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What Women Say, What Women Mean

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It's a cliché that when men talk to women we say exactly what we mean, and when women talk to men every sentence is a spring-loaded mantrap of hidden meaning and subtle criticism.
But it's true.
At least, it's true some of the time, particularly when the woman who is talking to you is your wife or girlfriend. The fact is, men use fewer words than women, and quickly get to the point. Women, on the other hand, are masters at using vague language and subtle hints to get what they want.

Which can cause a lot of confusion. Quite simply, we just don't always get it. We miss the hints and pass right over the vague language, in the hope that something more straightforward will come along in a minute or two. Then we get snapped at for not listening properly.

So to help both sides of the gender divide, here's our girl-speak primer. We've compiled a list of the things she says, and an accompanying list of what she might actually mean. As you'll see, the two can be quite a long way apart.

What she says:
Do you think I look fat in this?

 
What she means:
Your answer will make or break the entire evening
She's dropped the bombshell, but were you ready for it? A moment's hesitation can be fatal.

To state the obvious, she is not asking you whether she looks fat in this. She is telling you to reassure her that she is not fat, period. If you ponder the decision or express any sort of ambiguity you can chuck the concert tickets and restaurant reservations straight in the bin.

The only correct answer is, "no, because you don't look fat in anything," delivered without a hint of humour or sarcasm. Trust us, this is not the moment to claim your right to freedom of speech.

 

What she says:
Are you going out with the boys again this weekend?

What she means:
You are not going out with the boys again this weekend, are you?
The difference between "are you going out with the boys this weekend?" and "are you going out with the boys AGAIN this weekend?" is one little word and a whole world of pain.
Again, she is not so much asking a question as issuing a warning. She thinks you are not spending enough time with her, and it's up to you to decide whether you think she's right.

What she says:
Can you put the toilet seat down?
 
What she means:
Why are you so useless round the house?
 
OK, if you have a habit of not putting the toilet seat down, and you are a domestic god in other areas, it might just be about the toilet seat.

But women are skilled negotiators. She may simply be using the toilet seat issue to flag up your more general domestic laziness. She doesn't want to go in all guns blazing yet, because that would cause a huge row. But she will if she has to.

This is a warning shot across the bows: make an effort round the house or face the consequences.

What she says:
I'm going to bed early tonight

What she means:
I'm going to bed early tonight

The only time men do look for hidden meaning and the possibility that what she says is not entirely what she means is when we think sex might be on the cards.

There has to be a reason for her wanting to go to bed early, and that reason is obviously an insatiable desire for our red-hot bods.

Hmm, either that, or she's knackered, wants to read for a bit before lights out, or simply wants to get away from us for a while.

Sometimes she says exactly what she means. This may be one of those occasions

What she says:
I'm absolutely fine
What she means:
I hate you

OK, maybe "I hate you" is a bit harsh.

But when a woman has cause to tell you she's absolutely fine, she seldom is.
Certainly you can never take such a statement at face value. Why is she telling you she's fine, when her attitude and demeanour should be all the evidence you need?

What women often mean when they tell you they're fine is that they're not fine, but are prepared to save the argument they're currently brewing for a more suitable time.

What she says:
I need to cut down my spending/cake intake

What she means:
YOU need to cut down your spending/cake intake

Aren't women lovely? Instead of saying hurtful things like "you're too fat" or "you spend too much money on rubbish", they'll dress up their concern more generally.

So 'the two of us' might need to diet, or 'we' have to get on top of our spending.

If your BMI has been creeping up and your overdraft has hit four figures, it's time to realise that she probably just means 'you'.

 

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