Conversations with my man about our future always produce juicy material that I turn around and exploit for purely editorial—and, OK, sometimes basic entertainment—reasons. A recent chat about hyphenating my last name kicked up dust as we talked about my dreams of finishing (which means I'd actually have to start) my PhD within the next five years.
More from The Stir: The Marriage Mistake We Should Not Repeat
In the heat of my daydreaming, I took my would-be name for a test drive. "Dr. Janelle Harris-Williams." I swooned like a giddy extra in the "Beauty School Dropout" scene of Grease. Boyfriend 4.0 jutted his bottom jaw, something he does when he's about to serve up a verbal smackdown. "Harris-Williams!" he scoffed. "I think you mean Dr. Janelle Williams."
Seems he takes offense to the idea of me tacking his last name onto the one I already have. The move—according to him—says I'm wishy washy about my commitment and (gasp) that I'm not ready to leave my family and be a wife. When I introduced the subject for discussion on Facebook, turns out plenty of folks from both genders side with his opinion. I didn't tell him that, though.
There is no level-headed reason why a woman should have to abandon her family's last name in order to prove her fidelity and allegiance to her man. None whatsoever. The concept is as archaic and patriarchal as, oh I don't know, forgoing your dreams to be an apron-sporting housewife a la June Cleaver or pretending to be an airhead to appease your guy's fragile ego. Puh-lease.
More from The Stir: 50 Reasons Why Marriage Rocks
What does a man have to give up in order to marry a woman? Fewer evenings at the nudie bar and neater housecleaning habits? Yet we're expected to disassociate ourselves from the very families who shaped us into the women men fall in love with and want to marry.
If I had been born male, I would've had no choice but to carry on the Harris name. But because I have an innie, not an outie, I'm forced to show my Post-Marital Pride by sloughing part of my identity. Not I, said the brown cow. Can't my hyphen rep for both my past and my future—and have a nice ring to it in the process?
Image via Andrew Morrell Photography
Written by Janelle Harris for CafeMom's blog, The Stir.
More from The Stir:
The Obama Marriage Is a Big Joke
Cheaters & the Women Who Marry Them -- Who's the Bigger Idiot?
Women Only Want Men Who Play Hard to Get
More from The Stir: The Marriage Mistake We Should Not Repeat
In the heat of my daydreaming, I took my would-be name for a test drive. "Dr. Janelle Harris-Williams." I swooned like a giddy extra in the "Beauty School Dropout" scene of Grease. Boyfriend 4.0 jutted his bottom jaw, something he does when he's about to serve up a verbal smackdown. "Harris-Williams!" he scoffed. "I think you mean Dr. Janelle Williams."
Seems he takes offense to the idea of me tacking his last name onto the one I already have. The move—according to him—says I'm wishy washy about my commitment and (gasp) that I'm not ready to leave my family and be a wife. When I introduced the subject for discussion on Facebook, turns out plenty of folks from both genders side with his opinion. I didn't tell him that, though.
There is no level-headed reason why a woman should have to abandon her family's last name in order to prove her fidelity and allegiance to her man. None whatsoever. The concept is as archaic and patriarchal as, oh I don't know, forgoing your dreams to be an apron-sporting housewife a la June Cleaver or pretending to be an airhead to appease your guy's fragile ego. Puh-lease.
More from The Stir: 50 Reasons Why Marriage Rocks
What does a man have to give up in order to marry a woman? Fewer evenings at the nudie bar and neater housecleaning habits? Yet we're expected to disassociate ourselves from the very families who shaped us into the women men fall in love with and want to marry.
If I had been born male, I would've had no choice but to carry on the Harris name. But because I have an innie, not an outie, I'm forced to show my Post-Marital Pride by sloughing part of my identity. Not I, said the brown cow. Can't my hyphen rep for both my past and my future—and have a nice ring to it in the process?
Image via Andrew Morrell Photography
Written by Janelle Harris for CafeMom's blog, The Stir.
More from The Stir:
The Obama Marriage Is a Big Joke
Cheaters & the Women Who Marry Them -- Who's the Bigger Idiot?
Women Only Want Men Who Play Hard to Get
