Leeds United v Arsenal - as it happened
Preamble:
Ken Bates has banned the Guardian from covering this match from Elland Road but the lovable old walrus hasn't yet found a way to stop us watching it on an expensive TV set while swilling free muck-flavoured water from an Acme coffee machine and bashing sloppily-constructed updates into a top-of-the-range computer whose manufacturers probably had more lofty hopes for their creation. Welcome, then, to our semi-samizdat coverage of what could be a thrilling FA Cup replay, or a dismal one, or one that's mildly engrossing but not the sort of encounter your grandchildren will be watching on ESPN Classic on the stomachs of their personal robot maids in decades to come. It's hard to say at this stage. But stay tuned and together we will find out.
Theo Walcott: Given that he confessed to cheating in the first leg – albeit in a curiously detached way ("It's not something I want to see coming into my game") that suggested he had no control over his own actions – much attention will be paid to him tonight if he comes off the bench. In fact, so as to better study his movements, perhaps we should all don a high-powered set of spectacles like the ones he himself is wearing in this photo published by Cesc Fabregas. I haven't noticed the winger wearing eyewear during matches – could that be the reason his crosses or shots so often go awry? (Although, in fairness, he's shown real signs of progress on that front this year, though I admit to remaining unconvinced of his all-round football smarts).
Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds? So Denilson has been grumbling, sort of, about the absence of leaders in Arsenal's team. Was that him mounting a putsch or was he demanding to be a sheep?
Teams:
Leeds: Schmeichel, Connolly, O'Brien, Bruce, Parker, Gradel, Howson, Johnson, Snodgrass, Watt, Paynte
Subs: Subs: Higgs,
Collins, Sam, Hughes, Bromby, Somma, McCormack.
Arsenal: Szczesny, Sagna, Koscielny, Djourou, Gibbs, Song, Denilson, Nasri, Arshavin, Bendtner, Chamakh
Subs: Shea, Fabregas, van Persie, Walcott, Wilshere, Clichy, Eboue.
7:30pm: "Having received the Guardian Style Guide for Christmas, and read the paragraph on hyphens just this afternoon, I am very impressed with your use of them in your opening musings," grovels Georege Solomon. "But on to more pressing matters, as an Ipswich fan, I'm hoping for a comfortable Arsenal victory this evening, to lull them into a false sense of security ahead of next week's Carling Cup tie. I do, however, predict a Leeds victory AET. As for the photo of Walcott in specs, the whole photo is possibly the best thing Fabregas has done for a few weeks now. Hilarious."
7:32pm: Gordon Strachan is a great pundit. ITV have taken advantage of his presence in their studio for this tie to ask him how he thinks his former team-mate Eric Cantona will do as director of football at New York Cosmos, a post he has jsut recently taken. "His social skills could be a problem, that's for sure" says Strachan. "The first time someone says no to him he could end up on the plane back to France." No pussyfooting about from wee Gordon.
7:35pm: ITV are showing highlights of Manchester City's win over Leicester last night. I hadn't seen the goals till now. What magical play by David Silva prior to City's third goal!
7:38pm: Now they're showing Wolves' mauling of Doncaster. That Mujangi-Bia looks nifty. Yet another exciting Belgian prospect then ...
7:41pm: "Am I the only person with a strange black box in the corner of my TV screen on ITV?" wonders Luke Stevenson. "I would put it down to poor signal connection however: After the World Cup I have no faith in ITV and will put their ineptitude over their general failings as a station." Is it like the perfectly rectangular piece of black dirt that Father Ted famously had on his window? Have you tried cleaning your TV screen? Are you getting hostile looks from neighbours?
7:44pm: Bah! I thought this was a 7:45 kick-off. Turns out it doesn't get underway until 8pm. Oh well, my lack of research offers more time for guff-talking. Anyone want to share any thoughts on this match, football in general, changes in the timber industry etc? Anything at all?
7:49pm: "Am I the only person wondering why Luke Stevenson is watching both the MBM and ITV?" storms Todd Landaburu. "At least I have an excuse to follow MBM, as I live in the US and don't get ITV (thankfully). What's yours?" Me? It's my job. My parents are so proud ...
7:50pm: !0 minutes to kick-off but the ground is already full. Have the cops closed all the pubs in Leeds?
7:52pm: Wenger speaks: "You don't any presents when you come to Elland Road." Similarly, we don't expect any interesting revelations in pre-match interviews. "We have to play with our heads as well as our hearts," says Simon Grayson.
7:55pm: "Funny you should talk about changes to the timber industry, as I was asking myself that very same question yesterday," confesses mark Thorogood. "I went to the local Home Depot and loaded up on 10" x 1" (in 8' lengths) to build some shelves for the youngest and got home to find the actual measurements were more like 9" x 0.75"! Now a bit of a trim to finish the wood I can deal with, but a whole inch, surely that's too much. And Lord knows I need every inch I can get. Is this some new conspiracy to make me feel even more inadequate that I am currently do?"
7:57pm: "Am I the only slightly surprised by Arsenal's side?" jabbers Tony Rowly. "I thought after the performances against Ipswich and Leeds, Arsene might be a bit more aggressive with his team selection; apparently not." It's still, as they say, good enough to win this match. And he's got reinforcements on the bench if required. And, perhaps, he needs to give Bendtner a chance to showcase his unique talents in case that attracts a January buyer. Or would leaving him on the bench would be more likely to boost his value?
1 min: Leeds get things going. And within 30 seconds Gradel gets off a shot. Not one that was in any sense accurate, but it will go down in the stats record all the same and perhaps that gives Leeds a crucial psychologial edge at this early stage? And so on.
3 min: Schmeichel launches a long one towards the Arsenal box. Koscielny heads clear. Perhaps that too is worth recording in the stats: after all, Arsenal's centrebacks haven't done that very often this season. "COME ON LEEDS!!!!!!!" roars Spurs' speedster Aaron Lennon on Twitter.
GOAL! Leeds 0-1 Arsenal (Nasri 5') A nicely-taken goal by Arsenal's best player so far this season. Gibbs got the move going with a snappy low pass from the left-back position. There was a swift interchange of passes before Chamakh let the ball run at the edge of the area (or did he just miscontrol it?) and Nasri, darting from deep, took it in his elegant stride and slotted it past the keeper from 12 yards.
7 min: Arsenal have settled into their familiar rhythm following that goal and are now circulating the ball with pace and precision. Leeds' best hope at this stage may be that Arsenal actually put themselves to sleep with their hypnotic passing, as they are wont to do ...
9 min: Excellent save by Schmeichel to thwart Chamakh! The Moroccan had been left alone at the cusp of the six-yard box as Arshavin (I think) floated in a freekick from the right. Chamakh got off a decent downward header but the keeper reacted well to scoop it away with one hand. "How does the Leeds ban thing actually work?" demands Robin Hazlehurst. "Have the stewards all been issued with photofits of all Guardian journalists and instructed to evict you from the ground on sight, or do you just mean no free passes to the press box? Surely for the sake of subversion you should have snuck in disguised as an ordinary fan and MBMed from your iphone, or hidden in a laundry basket to get in for a proper Guardian-style undercover investigation." I believe Leeds authorities have issued all their stewards with a pack of cards featuring images of the Guardian hackery and instructions to maintain constant vigilance.
12 min: It's OK, Leeds fans, Andy O'Brien has the ball.
12 mins 02 sec: Arsenal have it again.
14 min: Bendtner wanders offside to bring an Arsenal attack to an end. They've be back in a minute, mind. Meanwhile, top wordsmith and valued colleague Barney has not been able to resist sending this: "Peter Drury has just compared that save to Pele and Banks! That's almost an insult to Schmeichel. Time to resurrect: this piece."
17 min: A Nasri shot is charged down at the edge of the Leeds box, giving the home side a chance to counter-attack. Gradel scampers deep into the Arsenal half and then swings a cross into the box. But there was only one Leeds player in there and it failed to find him.
19 min: Trademark intricacy from Arsenal around the Leeds box, right up until Arshavin bogged the ball over the bar from 18 yards.
20 min: My oh my! Arshavin completely misses the ball after Chamakh presented him with it two yards out at the back post.
22 min: Arshavin tries to atone for that miss by rolling his marker about 20 yards from goal and letting fluy with a decent low rasper. Schmeichel pushes it behind for a corner.
25 min: Leeds are seldom getting the ball and on the occasions that they do, they can't do much with it.
26 min: That's a fine raking pass from Koscielny to Sagna, who had raced into plenty of space down the right. The full-back sends a splendid ball to the far post where, much like Arshavin a few minutes ago, Bendtner fails to apply a decisive touch. Arsenal should be out of sight by now - are they setting themselves up for a sucker punch a la the first leg?
28 min: Leeds have not quite got so far as to enjoy possession but they have at least succeeded in disrupting Arsenal a little over the last couple of minutes. "Re: the Guardian writers' picture card (9mins); are these similar to those in Top Trumps, and what are the different categories?" spews David Wall. "Presumably David Conn scores highest for investigative endeavour, Barney Ronay for irreverant humour and ..." At this point David ventures into unsavoury snipes at a Guardian journalist, so I decided to cut him off. Obviously if he had heaped praise on one of them, such as me, I would have published that in the interests of, well, in my own interests. But he didn't. The swine. "Are there any plans to make these available in good toy retail stores, or is the paper going to be giving them away as a loss-leader free in some special pull-out?" he concludes.
GOAL! Leeds 0-2 Arsenal (32') That's a glorious goal from Sagna, meaning that now Arsenal's top two players of the season have netted. He received the ball at the right-hand corner of the box and rocketed it into the net. Schmeichel got both handxs to it but couldn't keep it out. He probably should have done, mind.
34 min: "31 min: "It's past 2.30am in Dhaka and I am guessing that out of a nation of 160+ million I am the only soul following you on mbm," taunts Shammi Huda rather unnecessarily, since I had not been kidding myself that I was big in Bangladesh. "The match is being shown live on an Indian subscription cable package which I did not sign for because of an attack of cheap jingoism." Well, cheap jingoists aren't normally the demographic we go for here at the Guardian, but perhaps we should take what we can get? Nah.
GOAL! Leeds 1-2 Arsenal (Johnson 37') A stonker, an absolute stonker! Johnson simply booked the ball into the top corner with his left foot from 29 yards. An explosive shot that triggers an almight eruption of joy at Elland Road!
40 min: Leeds have been buoyed by that goal but Arsenal nearly deflated them again following a dinky cross by Gibbs. Chamakh got his toe to it but couldn't apply sufficient power to beat Schmeichel.
43 min: Nasri trips Gradel to give Leeds a freekick in a threatening position, about 25 yards out to the left.
44 min: Snodgrass elects to shoot from the freekick. He won't be allowed to do so again, given the woeful effort that ensues.
45 min: Right on cue, Mike Dean blows for half-time. Arsenal had been cantering to a date with Huddersfield in the next round but that spectacular striker from Johnson has reinvigorated Leeds and the second half promises to be interesting. Honest. "Leeds are right back in the game, and fans can cheer themselves up further at half time by watching this clip from back in the day when they could inflict on others the kind of punishment they've been getting from Arsenal tonight," chirps Sean Moore.
I need to go to the muck-machine. Can I place you on hold? Thanks. [Now imagine annoying music and, hey presto, you have the authentic modern-day waiting experience]. "Watching Leeds always makes me nostalgic for the days of the famous sock numbers, the named tracksuits, and that brilliant smiley club badge," recalls teary-eyed Justin Kavanagh. "Now that Monsieur Cantona is going to become director of the New York Cosmos—the club he calls a mixture of "football and art"—perhaps we can look start looking forward to the some most interesting soccer strips of the 21st century. The club logo might be a $$$ sign, or the shirt might be sponsored by some avant-garde movement called Break The Banks."
Arrrgghhh! That 'coffee' really is godawful gunk, yet strangely addictive. "Can we please have Leeds back in the Premier League?" pleads Graeme Neill. "Hearing the horrible noise of their fans all the way through the first half is getting me all nostalgic. It's not as if Wigan would be missed."
46 min: Arsenal set the second half in motion. Leeds had the honours in the first half, so fair is fair.
46 min 22 sec: Song should have put Arsenal farther in front! They cut straight through Leeds, one-towing all the way, and then Schmeichel charged off his line to beat away Song's imprecise shot from 10 yards.
47 min: Nasri sends a decent curling freekick over the four-man wall but Schmeichel shuffles across his goal to claim it.
49 min: Snodgrass makes ground down the right and then feeds Gradel, who tries to get past Koscielny at the edge ofthe area. But the defender shepherds him all the way out of play. "Doesn't Arshavin's ironic smirk after missing an oppurtunity or giving the ball away resembles a man amused by his own decline and as a result the absurdity of life?" muses Ashkan Kalashy. "Or am I reading too much into it?"
51 min: Spirited stuff from Leeds but Arsenal have been defending well tonight and Leeds can't quite summon the quality around the box to find another way through them. "Don't forget to commend our Bacary, he doesn't get the recognition he deserves," squeals Kim Taylor. I thought I did, going so far as to declare him Arsenal's second best player of the season so far. Do keep up.
54 min: Splendid tackle by Snodgrass to deny Arsenal an almost-certain goal. Mind you, if Nasri had not slightly under-hit the pass to Arshavin following a sweeping Arsenal move, even Snodgrass's valiant backtacking would have been in vain.
56 min: ITV's commentator Peter Drury has just, I believe, become the first person to tentatively suggest that Arsenal could do the quadruple this year. Clearly the atmosphere at Elland Road is intoxicating ...
57 min: Chamakh nuts Snodgrass's corner to safety.
59 min: Shades of the sputnik as Arshavin sends the ball into outer space following yet another sweeping Arsenal move. And there's the Russian's wry smile again ...
61 min: Solid intervention by Djourou to snuff out a nascent Leeds attack. He has been strong tonight, as has Koscielny. And Sagna and Gibbs too, in fairness. They haven't been put under a huge amount of pressure but have dealt decisively with everything that has come their way.
63 min: Good tackle by Bruce just outside the Leeds box as Nasri seemed set to go on another of his wriggly runs.
64 min: Gradel races down the right and delivers a tasty cross. It flies right across the face of goal, agonisingly beyond the reach of any Leeds player.
66 min: Leeds substitution: O'Brien off (injured), Bromby on.
67 min: Wenger should make changes now. Bendtner has been irrelevant, Arshavin has goofed incessantly and Nasri is starting to look weary. All in all, Arsenal have taken their foot off the accelerator and Leeds are gathering a bit of momentum.
68 min: After Leeds make another change - Paynter off, Somma on - the new arrival is presented with a chance to score with his first touch. Leeds worked the opening well down the right and when the ball was driven across the six-yard box, Somma couldn't contort his body enough to get a clean touch and instead nudged it over with his knee.
70 min: Here comes the Arsenal cavalry: Fabregas and Van Persie on, Chamakh and Arshavin off. I didn't get a look at Arshavin as he came off but presumably the confirmation of his wretched evening triggered a fit of giggles ...
71 min: Bromley barges into Fabregas to concede a freekick about 28 yards out, to the left. Fabregas flips it wide.
74 min: Nice combination between Gradel and Johnson, but Sagna hurtles across to stick the ball out for a throw-in. Bromby, a long throw specialist, hurls it into the box, and Bruce nods wide.
GOAL! Leeds 1-3 Arsenal (Van Persie 76') In fairness, Bendtner played a key role in that goal. Fabregas released him down the right and he clipped a perfect ball to the far post, where Van Persie rose and headed powerfully past the keeper. All together now: "Arsenal are on their way to Huddersfield, ..."
79 min: Leeds' last throw of the dice: Watt off, Sam on.
81 min: Leeds' resistance appears over. If there are any more goals in this game they will surely come from Arsenal, who have rediscovered their swagger.
83 min: Schmeichel punts the ball downfield. Djourou heads clear. Arsenal resume stroking the ball around ...
84 min: Arsenal change: Nasri off, renowned playmaker Gael Clichy on in his place. Lets see how many accurate crosses he puts in, shall we? I'm going for zero. Not just in the remaining six minutes of this match, but for the rest of the season.
86 min: Van Persie peels away to the right, receives the ball at the edge of the area and then curls a reasonable shot around the post. "What say you about Bendtner now?" drawls Todd Landaburu. "Another five-year contract with Arsenal, and the punchline of many? Or perhaps another exciting Danish prospect?" I predict he will be gone in the summer and replaced by Eden Hazard, who has different and far superior skills. Indeed, the Belgian is closer in style to Arshavin, who may also go in the summer.
88 min: ITV's Andy Townsend has given the man-of-the-match award to Nasri. Can't really argue.
90 min: Sam makes Bendtner looks like an oaf (really!) as he skips past him down the left and then wins a corner. Schmeichel comes up for it ... and his mighty leap momentarily distracted the Arsenal defence, but eventually they scramble it clear.
90+3 min: Arsenal playing the clock down. "Eden Hazard?" gasps Ben Stanley. "You're making that up. That's not a footballer, that's a maverick 80s detective with a messy home life."
Full-time: That was good fun. Arsenal deserved to win as they showed superior class, which elevated them above a spirited Leeds side who can, at least, claim to have scored the most spectacular goal of the game
